But I did indeed find the above ad on a website I was on. First off all.

HOW DO YOU KNOW?!

Second of all, who are these dangerously attractive women who love white guys and large men? They are of course, people who do not exist.  I would like to know who the sad men are who are clicking this pitiful attempt to bring joy to my heart, I feel bad for them. Whenever a hot girl approaches me, I immediately tell her to go fuck herself and die. I read somewhere if you are mean to hot girls, they'll like you more. That doesn't work either actually. They usually get their boyfriends to fight you  because you were rude to their girlfriend while they were trying to ask you where the closest Tim Hortons is.

What kind of sad sack of shit would look at this ad, thick immediately, "I've found the goldmine!" and click furiously as they sweat onto their man tits and salivate ungraciously as they hope to find all the girls who snubbed them in high school finally realizing how awesome they are. Sadly, they will only find more mule-faced men who need to be loved but are too scared to put down the donuts and brush their teeth and run a mile or two a few days a week.

Either way, hot girls are pointless to me. They're too hot. Megan Fox, I could never find myself secure enough to have a relationship with her, hell, I may not even be able to perform sexually. That's a lie, I could perform sexually, I just wouldn't be good at it, it's like going on stage without any confidence, destined to leave someone unsatisfied and end with you in a pool of tears at a bar wondering why you're such a failure at life.

I prefer cute and average girls, why? Because cute lasts longer than sexy and average, you can always improve upon. Sexy only goes down. Look at Jessica Simpson, she looks like a mess.  Not to say she isn't still attractive but now, she looks like nothing compared to Daisy Dukes.  An example of how a girl who is cute will get ahead and stay cute, look at Mandy Moore, she is amazingly adorable. You can't buy that kind of charm, it's natural. Whereas Megan Fox is most likely a cunt.

At the end of the day though, I'm still single and lonely, but, too cynical to worry about it too much.

Good day.

Positions
I can sleep in every and all positions, if I do it in public or in front of my dog, I don't feel weird. Sex on the other hand limits me in what positions I can succeed at, also, if I did it in public I would get arrested. In front of my dog, I would be unable to perform.

My Boner
During sex, I can last like an hour when the girl is on top, when I am on top, MAYBE 3 minutes. Alone, I average like 5 minutes before I lose it. In sleep, I can keep a boner like the whole time, go to bed with it and wake up with it. Sleep makes my dick a superhero. A superhero that that works best alone or when the girl does all the work.

Partners
When I sleep, I can have sex with whoever I want. "What's the Danielle Fishell from "Boy Meets World"? Sure I'll have sex with you!" Every night!  I'm not complaining about who I'm currently fucking, but let's be real, everyone in the world would have sex with Jessica Alba. Don't fucking lie to me!

Time
This is the only situation where sex wins. If I sleep for an hour, I am fucking ANGRY. But if I fuck for an hour, I was SURPRISED! So, that's about it.

THE WINNER
SLEEP!

This is a scale I invented to rate the opposite sex. This can be used for  anything, also, if their are options, you can weigh them and make your decision that way. Personally, I did a poll and I am 99% rated a 28. The one percent that rated me less gave me the lowest score possible, but fuck that chick. She's just mad because I told her I won't eat HER ass anymore.