In 2011, I had sex with quite a few ladies. Some of them amazing, some of them terrible. My penis has truly been in a mixed bag of vaginas this past year and my life is still a terrible thing.
This year, I've decided to be pro-active. Instead of having sex with some ladies (most of whom were dirty slam pigs, but gracious and beautiful dirty slam pigs as they allowed me to unimpressively thrust my wiener inside of them) I'm abstaining.
I know what you're thinking "But Patrick, you don't need to be celibate, no one will sleep with you anyways!" To that I say, "Hilarious! What a poignant and original comment! Thank you!" but in my mind, I'm dismissing your boring shit as easily as you came up with it.
But seriously, in the last year, most sexual experiences left me feeling worse than if I just jerked off. Why? Because having sex requires effort and lies (mostly) that I'm either interested in that persons life or them as more than just someone I can fuck. This is shallow, selfish behavior I'm trying to get passed.
By the way, if you're a lady I have had sex with in 2011, please understand you're probably smart, funny, beautiful and kind but I more than likely am a just a piece of shit.
If I have any consolation, I have recently come to the conclusion that I should kill myself, I just tend to be as big of a coward as I am an asshole. I figure with my last action on earth, killing myself and leaving a mess for my loved ones and then having my friends feel like they could have done anything to stop it would have cemented me as the biggest self centered asshole in the world. So, more so out of guilt than anything else, I didn't do it.
But, back on topic. I'm going to stop having sex for now, until I meet a girl who I can be in a relationship with, because I actually want to be in a relationship, not just because I'm bored or lonely.
So why no jerking off? That's a terrible idea! Well, I'm trying to abstain from all sexual things because jerking off leaves me feeling guilty and shitty too.
So I just won't do that either, I'll just blog about it here.
This year, I've decided to be pro-active. Instead of having sex with some ladies (most of whom were dirty slam pigs, but gracious and beautiful dirty slam pigs as they allowed me to unimpressively thrust my wiener inside of them) I'm abstaining.
I know what you're thinking "But Patrick, you don't need to be celibate, no one will sleep with you anyways!" To that I say, "Hilarious! What a poignant and original comment! Thank you!" but in my mind, I'm dismissing your boring shit as easily as you came up with it.
But seriously, in the last year, most sexual experiences left me feeling worse than if I just jerked off. Why? Because having sex requires effort and lies (mostly) that I'm either interested in that persons life or them as more than just someone I can fuck. This is shallow, selfish behavior I'm trying to get passed.
By the way, if you're a lady I have had sex with in 2011, please understand you're probably smart, funny, beautiful and kind but I more than likely am a just a piece of shit.
If I have any consolation, I have recently come to the conclusion that I should kill myself, I just tend to be as big of a coward as I am an asshole. I figure with my last action on earth, killing myself and leaving a mess for my loved ones and then having my friends feel like they could have done anything to stop it would have cemented me as the biggest self centered asshole in the world. So, more so out of guilt than anything else, I didn't do it.
But, back on topic. I'm going to stop having sex for now, until I meet a girl who I can be in a relationship with, because I actually want to be in a relationship, not just because I'm bored or lonely.
So why no jerking off? That's a terrible idea! Well, I'm trying to abstain from all sexual things because jerking off leaves me feeling guilty and shitty too.
So I just won't do that either, I'll just blog about it here.
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