I spent my night napping. What an awesome thing, napping.

There are some people out there who do not like to "nap". These people are not to be trusted.

If you don't like sleeping, get the fuck out of here. This isn't for you. This is for me and the people who like me. I'm judging you right now as you read this. Not a grouped version of you. You specifically. By name. That's how I roll. I'm pitying you personally.

Look at this guy's face, look how enjoyable his life is with naps. This guy is so happy. He has a blue cow and a comfortable looking pillow, what could be wrong? He takes blissful naps, his life is full. He probably smokes weed which makes naps even better! I bet he owns a cool ass St. Bernard puppy.

This guy is the total opposite. He does coke or some shit that makes him sleep even less and his dick soft. His life is the worst. He doesn't even have a blue cow. He didn't sleep a wink last night. He probably hated the move "The Sandlot". He fucked up. Don't be like him. Don't be like Bill*.


*I don't know if he is named Bill, be for some reason I think people named Bill are cocksuckers.

This woman is beautiful. Not because she uses skin care products but because she goes the fuck to sleep. Her life is great, she dates guys who are awesome, has a good job and respects herself. Because she sleeps. She survives.

This is Mara's* sister Stephanie**. She is a fucking wreck. She never sleeps, stays up all night studying, spends her weekends getting shitfaced at bars. She probably has a yeast infection. If she took more naps, she'd be living a loving life. Instead, she follows quote accounts on twitter. She probably cuts herself too.

* That's a dope name.
**Stephanies are usually cunts.

Look at this motherfucker.
LOOK AT HIM!
Look at me wide the fuck awake.
I look like shit.
I should be sleeping.
I slept earlier and looked great when I woke up.
Let's all agree, we should sleep more. It would be amazing.

Stop reading this article and go the fuck to sleep. It's not even interesting. It's boring. It's meant to make you tired. If you need more motivation, listen to Samuel L. Jackson read "Go the Fuck to Sleep" it's like Shel Silverstein on a crystal meth rage.